How Many Dildos Can You Own in Texas?

 

texas flag on left with a group of black dildos on the right

Everything is bigger in Texas, from their hats to their steaks. But when it comes to dildos, the Lone Star State has some rather unusual regulations in place. You might assume you could own as many dildos as your heart desires or as many as your nightstand can hold. But in Texas, the law has something else in mind: just six.

That's right! The state that prides itself on its rugged individualism and its "Don't Mess with Texas" motto has had it out for your sex toy collection since 1973. The reasoning behind this seemingly arbitrary number is as fascinating as it is absurd, so buckle up (or strap on) for a deep dive into Texas' bizarre dildo laws.

The Origins of the Six-Dildo Law

The six-dildo law, a relic of the Lone Star State's puritanical past, originated from a piece of legislation known as the "Obscene Device Law." Passed in 1973, this law was designed to restrict the sale and use of sex toys, classifying them as "obscene devices" and limiting the number of dildos an individual could own. The law's language reads like a steamy novel written by a law school dropout, defining an obscene device as "a device including a dildo or artificial vagina, designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs."

According to the law, owning more than six dildos is considered "promoting obscenity" and could land you a hefty fine or even a stint in the slammer. And while the law might seem like a laughing matter, it has had some real-life implications. One notable incident occurred in 2004 when Joanne Webb, a mother of three and former schoolteacher, was arrested for selling sex toys at a "passion party" in the small town of Burleson. Webb's arrest made national headlines and sparked a fierce debate over the limits of personal freedom in the state.

"The government is trying to legislate morality," Webb told reporters at the time. "I never imagined that selling a vibrator to a consenting adult could be considered a criminal act."

How has the Law Survived?

In the years that followed, the law became a point of contention, with critics arguing that it violated Texans' constitutional right to privacy. And yet, despite several attempts to overturn the law, it has remained on the books, leaving dildo enthusiasts in a state of perpetual uncertainty.

One possible reason for the law's persistence is that it's just so damn amusing. When it comes to absurd legislation, the six-dildo rule is right up there with the Alabama law prohibiting bear wrestling or the North Carolina ban on singing off-key

In fact, Texas politicians themselves seem to be both fascinated and perplexed by their own law. In 2017, Texas State Representative Jessica Farrar introduced a tongue-in-cheek bill called the "Man's Right to Know Act" which would have required men to pay a $100 fine for masturbating and mandated rectal exams before vasectomies. The bill's intent? To highlight the absurdity of the state's regulation of women's sexual health and reproductive rights.

"Let's look at what Texas has done to women," Farrar said in an interview with the Houston Chronicle. "What if men had to undergo the same intrusive procedures?"

How do Texans Feel about the Six-Dildo Law?

Although Farrar's bill was never expected to pass, it did serve as a humorous and cutting commentary on the state's bizarre law. In a state where the size of your gun collection is only limited by the size of your bank account and your willingness to convert your garage into an armoury, the idea that owning more than six dildos could land you in legal hot water is nothing short of preposterous.

So, what is a dildo-loving Texan to do in the face of such outrageous legislation? Some have chosen to poke fun at the law, hosting "illegal dildo parties" where guests are encouraged to bring more than the legally allowed number of dildos. Others have taken a more discreet approach, hiding their extra dildos in cleverly designed compartments or stashing them at the homes of sympathetic friends (bringing a whole new meaning to illegal possession!)

Final Thoughts

As for the future of Texas' six-dildo law, only time will tell whether it will eventually be consigned to the dustbin of history, along with other outdated and offensive legislation. In the meantime, Texans with a penchant for pleasure will continue to navigate the murky waters of dildo ownership, counting their blessings (and their dildos) as they go.

So, the next time you find yourself in the Lone Star State, remember to keep your wits about you and your dildos properly counted. Because as much as Texans love their freedom, it seems that six is the magic number when it comes to sex toys.